Life is a complex journey with many bumps, curves, mountains & valleys along the way. Sometimes there are rolling hills with lush, beautiful scenery on a cool, sunny day. Other days are dark and threatening with rain coming down so hard we can't see the road in front of us. With experience we learn to navigate a host of conditions.
When the unexpected happens we don't always react well. We are cruising along feeling the warmth of the sun, the wind in our face, and listening to our favorite tunes. The car hugs the road as we take the curve. We weren't anticipating another car crossing the line, meeting us head on. The crash leaves mangled wreckage, scattered debris, horrific injuries and death
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Divorce is like a head on collision. It fractures lives, people, homes and families. Nothing will ever be the same again. People are broken, relationships die and the effects are long reaching. No one is an island. We each make decisions that not only affect us but everyone around us.
Of course there are many reasons people divorce. Sometimes we confuse lust with love. Lust is an emotion. Love is a decision. When we first meet someone we may think about how good looking, funny, clever and otherwise desirable the other person is. That is lust. We don't know the person but we are attracted to them. We like their looks and some qualities so we want to spend more time with them. As we spend more time with them we will get to know them. After a while we may find we want to spend more time with them. But it's also likely we will realize we don't have much in common or that we just don't like the other person. I believe we would do better if we spent more time during this courtship period. Too often we rush into commited relationships, especially women, to prove to ourselves or the world that we are lovable.
We live in a fast paced society in the United States. We want instant gratification. We get married too quickly with no real commitment. Although for better or worse is in the wedding vows most people say, the truth is we only want the better. When the worse comes we want out. Now don't get me wrong, I understand nobody really like the worse part but the truth there is going to be some worse. If we didn't have bad times we wouldn't appreciate to good.
I've witnessed the effects of divorce from many angles. I have seen it from my own perspective as a divorced woman, a single mother and a woman in a second marriage to a divorced man. I've seen it from my second husbands perspective and how it affected his relationship with his kids. I've seen how the lives of my son, my husbands kids, my sister and friends have been changed. Most recently I have been watching the lives of my son, his wife and their daughter unravel. It may be the most difficult thing I have witnessed. Maybe because of the love I feel for my son and granddaughter. It hurts to see them in pain and it hurts to know the challenges and pain that lies ahead for them all. I believe their marriage might have been saved if they spent as much money trying to save the marriage and they've spent getting a divorce. It is just so sad.
If I could attribute one cause to the divorce crisis it would be selfishness. We are all eat up with self. If we could truly love others as much as we love ourselves divorce rates would drop drastically. Most of us love our children enough that we can look past their faults and failures and still love them with all our hearts. Oh that we would love our spouses so much.
